H O O T.

HOOT

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soshi/girls generation/SNSD

MEH

Wednesday, July 27, 2011,11:27:00 PM

LJ HAS FAILED ME.

Okay ya, i think someone read my lj. O well. I guess that's enough. I mean like, o well. At least that person's fucking off. But then come to think of it i was quite harsh. :/ I actually feel guilty. But i guess i have to keep it going till the end. I cant stop here; I can't stop now.

a flower | 0 rose(s)

I'm going to die.

Sunday, May 29, 2011,12:28:00 AM

I think my kidneys are dying.

a flower | 0 rose(s)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011,12:17:00 AM

I'm not sincere with people? Since when was i like that? Putting on facades doesnt mean i dont take people seriously. Doesnt mean i'm not sincere with people. When i put on a facade i put it on becaus it'd be better for people to thin i am happy and wtv shit. So because i put on a facade and dont show them the real me, I'm not sincere? But i dont want them to be upset, i want them to be happy. Is that not sincere enough for you? Do you know how much of an impact my "happiness" was to people? It made people happy, it made people want to be happy. Is that not enough?

Why dyou always question whatever i do? When you say that what i'm doing is wrong and that i should be doing things another way, isnt that judging me? I have my reasons for doing things in certain ways. Sure, i make mistakes and do stupid things sometimes(or all the time) but cant you see things in my perspective? Cant you see why i do things this way?

You say i dont know you well. But you dont know me well either. If you did you wouldnt be questioning me. O wait, maybe you really dont know me. Afterall, that friend you knew before is long gone. I'm a half empty shell.

a flower | 0 rose(s)

12:14:00 AM

My eyes are stinging like hell and I'm coughing up a storm. FML.

a flower | 0 rose(s)

Monday, May 09, 2011,11:24:00 PM

This is what your friend of 8years has become.

I miss the old me too. I could laugh and play and do anything fun and just be happy and happy. I was just happy as a whole.

But the current me cant live a day without thinking about what people think of me. I'm that insecure. When people tell me they envy how i can be happy and everything all the time, and not be sad. But OHO, I've been putting on a facade. How sad. That's much worse than being outright sad/angry/upset/wtv. Actually it's pretty much really pathetic.

Why am i mugging/studying so hard? Why am i avoiding everyone?
It's because i'm so upset i need to numb myself. If not i'll have a major breakdown again. And no, i'm not going to let that happen again.

a flower | 0 rose(s)

8 Days

Tuesday, April 26, 2011,10:49:00 PM

Hello. I'm going to rant and reply your smses here. (Because you wont see this.)

Nobody will read this. That's the good thing about tumblr. It distracts you from everything/

1. Yeah you guys dont avoid me. It's pretty obvious i'm the one avoiding you. Avoiding everyone. And yes i noticed how hard jj has been trying. I was being a bitch there. Period. (I'm sorry jj. :( ) But you have no idea how awkward i feel around you. The awkwardness comes from inside. I dont even know where it comes from. Every week i feel more distant and unknown from you guys. I dont even know how that's possible when i've been so close to you guys. I cant- My mind's a blank now.

2. What makes you think i pity myself. There are much worse things that go on in my head. What i told you 8days ago wasnt even the worst, and you alr thought i was scary and felt that you didnt/dont even know me. What you said scared me as well. I was scared of telling you the rest of the story. You can be so blunt at times. But i accept it as part of you. It doesnt matter cuz i know you dont really mean to hurt people. But because of that i'm scared of telling you things. It feels as if once i tell you what i think you're gna judge me. And that would be the end of the 8years we had. Am i hurting you? Perhaps i am. No wait, i think i really am hurting you. I'm sorry. I cant help it. I dont even know where those thoughts come from. Probably from satan. But my brain has lhittle to no resistance against these thoughts. Things have got so bad between us, and yet i cant do anything. No, i dont dare do anything. Because i have so much fear. Fear of what more that can happen.

Everyday i ask myself why i even bother living the next day. So i have found out my purpose of being in SP DBA. And with that i remind myself that i have to give people a chance to find salvation and i must fulfil that mission first. And after I'm done with YT and maybe R, God please kill me now. Let me go back to you. I dont want to live in this horrible thing called the earth/the world. It's so horrible and evil. And i'm alr dying inside because of it. Everyday i put on a new facade. Everyday i die a little more inside. Soon there would be no more soul inside of me. Pretty much a living zombie. I'm almost half of that now. Seriously i wonder when i can really show someone my real side. Maybe that would never happen. When people see expressions i'm too lazy to hide sometimes, I just say i'm tired. That always works; I'm tired hence my ___ expresssion. Maybe I'm using my studies just to numb everything else.

Everyday i meet and interact with people and a thousand and one what ifs appear in my brain. What if she doesnt like me. What if she hates me. What if she's angry. What if she doesnt want to come near me but doesnt show it. What if she has a strong grudge against me but doesnt show it. What if she really just thinks i'm a loser. Why must i have such thoughts? Why cant i just live a normal life and have a normal brain. It's so hard for me to think like a normal person. But it doesnt matter. I'm so bloody scared on the inside. I feel like i'm shrinking. I dont even know what to do now. It seems as if you're starting to become more hostile. And your patience is running. Maybe you just want me to go away. Maybe you wish i were never part of your life. I'm sorry i appeared and came into your life then. I didnt think things would get this bad.

I'm sorry. But I'm like that. Just hate me. That would make me feel a tiny bit better. Maybe I have low EQ. Maybe i'm stupid. That's why everything turned out like that. SO Yes I'm stupid. I'm sorry for being stupid.

a flower | 0 rose(s)

I'm sorry

Monday, April 18, 2011,11:50:00 PM

I'm so sorry i told you about those stuffs. I shouldnt have told you. You didnt deserve to hear those stuffs. My nose is bleeding from too much crying. I think i'm going to regret this. No, i alr regret it. You didnt deserve to be put thru such agony, such.

Oh fuck i just lost a friend. I'm so sorry. I'm shaking so terribly hard i cant even type properly.

Goodbye my friend. I'm sorry for all the hurt and trouble i caused. I'm sorry i made 8years of friendship go down the drain.

I dont think i can stand this any longer. This is the worst thing that has happened in my entire life. I'm going to die from upsetness soon. Fuck my table is so freaking wet i think my laptop is drowning.

a flower | 0 rose(s)

11:38:00 PM

Crying my eyes out in front of a computer screen. Is this going to be the end of it? Will you judge me after this?

a flower | 0 rose(s)

Moved.

Thursday, March 10, 2011,12:45:00 AM

http://taemnicole.tumblr.com

a flower | 0 rose(s)

Saturday, February 05, 2011,4:38:00 PM

MY TAGBOX HAS BEEN ATTACKED!!!!!! >:{O

I'M SO MOVING TO TUMBLR. OR MAYBE NOT. HAHAHAHAH. SHOULD I CREATE A NEW TAGBOX OR CHANGE MY BLOGLINK? MAYBE I SHOULD JUST NOT HAVE A TAGBOX. AISH. 짜증나.

a flower | 0 rose(s)

Friday, January 28, 2011,10:56:00 PM

요즘난...존나피곤해.

뭘할까? ... ._.

난 어떻게?

춤않잘해. 공부않잘해. WORK 않잘해. 다않잘해.

나... 존나피곤해.

친구들다학교있어; 그래서, 난 않말해.
말로안돼.
왜냐면, 난진짜무서워.
정말무서워.
무서워죽겠어.

어떻게나한테이럴수가있어?!

재준아, 미안해. 약속안지켰어.
하지만, 이해해줘
그리고, 용서해줘 .
난잘못했어; 나도알아.

친구아, 미안~ I didnt mean to, i really didnt.
마음이도안좋아.
넌... 내가싫어. 그지?
괜찮아, 난니가사랑해; 애인의사랑아나야, 그냥친구의사랑이야~
미안해.
정말 미안해.

a flower | 0 rose(s)

I REALLY REALLY REALLY

Sunday, January 23, 2011,11:50:00 PM

HATE THE SHIT THAT COMES OUT FROM YOUR MOUTH EVERYDAY WHEN I SEE YOU AT WORK. STOP BULLYING MY FRIENDS TYVM. FUCKING BITCH.

a flower | 0 rose(s)